£5 worse off


I bought some supplies in a nationally known store the other day. I won’t identify the store, but the words “Marks” and “Spencer” appear prominently in their name. The cashier waved the goods across the barcode reader, and then asked me for £24.13. Unusually for me, I had actual cash money on my person, so I proffered a £20 and a £10 note. The cashier opened the till, and gave me 87p. I said “Erm, I think I gave you £30.” She shot back, rather too quickly “No, you gave me a twenty and a five.”
“Oh,” I said, beginning to doubt it myself now, “I thought I gave you a tenner as well as the twenty.” At this point, she rang furiously for the supervisor, who waddled over at leisurely pace. I said that I might well have been mistaken, and she said again that it was definitely a fiver, because she had to put it in a special drawer. A very brief conversation with the supervisor then ensued. The supervisor tapped in something on the till, the till opened, and the cashier handed me £5 and my receipt. The supervisor, who hadn’t even acknowledged my presence, waddled off. I said to the cashier that if there wasn’t a £10 note in the wrong place, I would accept that I’d been wrong. No, that wasn’t possible: I had to accept the extra £5. No-one said it, but the underlying implication was that I’d tried it on, and they would just write off the loss.
So now, I feel guilty at having extracted £5 from this enormous company. What struck me was that, in the olden days, the cashier would probably have put the notes in a clip on top of the till while she rang the purchase up, so it would be very clear what had been tendered; and she would also have probably said “Twenty five pounds” when I gave her the money- two checks to ensure that the transaction was transparent.
I’m still not sure whether she was right or I was. The upshot is that, if I use that store again, I will always pay by card. And my favourite charity is £5 richer.

Photo: TheTruthAbout


Woolfpole: Charles Lambert on Normblog


Chez Topsyturvydom, we are very pleased to see Charles Lambert occupying the guest slot over at the mighty Normblog. Charles has chosen Christopher Isherwood’s little known book The Memorial, which I must admit I don’t know. I would be curious to read it though, as Charles has whetted my appetite with this description: “It’s an odd amalgam of faux-modernism and the traditional novel, as though Isherwood still hasn’t made up his mind what kind of writer he plans to be: Virginia Woolf or Hugh Walpole.” Still trying to imagine what a combination of Walpole and Woolf would look like…


Is that all right for yourself?

My car is being repaired. The insurance company phoned to say it should be ready on Friday. You might predict that such an exchange would go:
Company person: Mr Spence? Just phoning to say your car should be ready on Friday.
Me: OK, thanks.
In fact, it goes like this:
Emily (for it is she): Hello, this is Emily from Megacorp insurance speaking. May I speak with Mr Spence?
Moi: Yes, speaking.
Emily: Is it all right for yourself to give you an update on your car repair, sir?
Me: Yes, please do.
Emily: OK, first I need to go through security. Can you confirm your full name, please?
Me: Robert John Spence
Emily: Great (she thinks it’s great that I know my own name?) Now, can you give me the first line of your address?
Me: 3 Acacia Avenue Manchesterford
Emily: And the postcode?
Me: MZ56 OPQ
Emiy: Fantastic. (she thinks it’s incredible that I know my own address?)Now I have to inform you that all calls may be recorded for security and training purposes. Is that all right for yourself?
Me: (wearily) Yes.(thinking- what if I say no, I can’t be recorded, as I believe that a part of my soul will be taken away from me?)
Emily: OK, now I am phoning to update you on the current position with your car. The current position is that….(long pause whilst she searches for something on screen) your car should be ready on Friday. It may not be ready by Friday, but Honest Joe’s garage are telling us it should be.
Me: Oh, right.
Emily: Are you satisfied with that update, sir?
Me (under my breath): Ecstatic. (Louder) Yes, thanks.
Emily: Is there anything else I can do for yourself, sir?
Me: Please go away. (I didn’t really say that- I said No, thanks. Goodbye)
End of call. That’s what I call service.


Photo: Doug8888


1000 years of popular music – in a black cab


It’s a somewhat sobering fact to reflect that I have been a Richard Thompson fan for forty years now. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen him play, but I always come back for more brilliant guitar work, darkly disturbing songs, and a surprisingly well-developed stage patter. His voice has deepened and matured with the years, too. He really is a pretty good singer these days. So, no surprise that ‘er indoors and I hastened to the Lowry recently to see RT’s “A Thousand Years of Popular Music” show. You might think it perverse for such an accomplished singer songwriter to perform a show containing no songs of his own, but Richard has fashioned a rare treat in this show. How many people, do you think, could sing and play in a single evening everything from medieval plainchant to madrigals, early opera, music hall, thirties jazz and sixties rock?
The guitar playing is mind-boggingly proficient, it goes without saying. The accompaniment on this occasion is provided by chanteuse and occasional pianist Judith Owen and percussionist Debra Dobkin. and they make a very fine noise together. They finished, not with Britney’s “Oops I did it again”, which he’s used in the past, but with something by Nelly Furtado (during which, as a way of turning the wheel full circle, Richard included a verse he’d translated into Latin). Not everything came off -Judith Owen is much better at Cole Porter than Purcell – but you have to admire their chutzpah. It’s not really a history, of course: medieval times to Victorian are covered in the first half, and the twentieth and twenty-first centuries are featured in the second, so it’s weighted towards more recent stuff.
The show is available on CD and DVD, and is a must-buy for RT fans. A flavour of it can be had by viewing this bizarre video, from the Black Cab sessions web site, where, somewhat surreally, musicians play whilst being driven around London in the eponymous black cab. Barmy idea, but it works.


Orlando Lopez

News of another death in music today. Orlando “Cachaito” Lopez, the bassist for the Buena Vista Social Club died in Havana. It was a joy to see these superb musicians in concert in Liverpool a few years ago. Sadly, Lopez is not the first of that group to die. I feel privileged to have caught them in that marvellous Indian summer, largely brought about by the work of the estimable Ry Cooder. The group were the subject of a film by Wim Wenders. We will not see their like again.


Blossom Dearie

Sad to hear today of the death of Blossom Dearie, whose work I have admired for years. She was still working in her late seventies in a New York club. A very evocative voice, by no means technically brilliant, but somehow appropriate for the songs she chose- and her piano accompaniment was always brilliantly judged. Here, someone has put on Youtube her version of the fine Michael Barr song “Try Your Wings” with lyrics by Dion McGregor, from her Verve album of 1957 (and my favourite) “Give Him The Oo-La-La” Its visual accompaniment is from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, one of my favourite films, with the peerless Audrey Hepburn.




This Just In: Man Splits up with Girlfriend


This was the top story on BBC News website today. When are we going to get over this obsession with celeb royals?
Maybe they should be giving more attention to this.
And all hail Ed Stourton, for skewering the desperately feeble “Chief Operating Officer” on the Today programme.
That this came the day after the return of £6 million a year Woss to the airwaves simply added to the impression of a corporation that really needs to sort itself out.


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